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Why Wendy Williams is the Greatest Living American Ever
Posted at 8/08/2006 11:24:00 AM
"The Insider" - As you’ve probably read on this glorious website, Wendy “Jump-off” Williams (as I like to call her for more than ONE reason if you know what I mean) is looking to make a movie based on her life story.Instead of going after the elite black actresses of our day, like Halle Berry (she’s half white, you know) or Nia Long or that chick from “28 Days Later,” Ms. Jump-off is taking her calogen and plastic surgery to the people by embarking on an international casting call, stretching from the lush fields of Mongolia to the sweeping hills of Akron, Ohio. This movie is going to be what we in the business call a “smash hit.”
After all, who doesn’t like Wendy Williams? I love hearing her talk about “jump-offs” or “jumping-off” with someone everyday on my commute home to my penthouse on ______ St and______ Ave. in NYC. Maybe if you’re lucky, you cute little consumers will one day be invited to my “jump-off.”
That’s my penthouse I’m talking about, not my gay mistress.
I think Wendy Williams is importante` as they say in Germany because she tells me who is gay so that I don’t have to find out for myself. T-Boz from TLC is gay? Thank you, Queen of Media, for sparing me the time by researching that hard-to-find fact. I’ll be rearranging my polo gear in my walk-in closet (yes, actual polo, not those clothes that Raekwon used to talk of in that Wu-Tang Band) while I start making the connections that were “always right there in front of me.”
I can’t BELIEVE I didn’t see the signs.
“Don’t go chasin’ waterfalls..” She basically just came out and said “I’m a lesbian” with those lyrics right there. It’s so graphic and dirty. But I had to know for a fact, and Wendy is my prime source of gay entertainment updates.
Tyrese is gay too? And Renee Zelwegger? Even the late, great Macy Gray? And she isn’t even dead yet? But according to Ms. Jump-Off, when Macy Gray dies, she will come out as a lesbian to be a strong role model for all those who perished as confused, scared One Hit Wonders. She is so brave. Bravo, Macy Gray!
Well gang, the Big Horse (actual nickname given to me by David Geffen in 1986 during an 8 day cocaine binge in Thailand) is heading to the stable. I’ll be back with more “inside” information soon.
Cheers.
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